The Beautiful Side of Crazy

theehemptress asked: i love your writing. the feelings you expressed are experienced by more of us even if we aren't as brave as you to express them. like tupac said baby boo 'keep ya head up'

awww thank you for takin thee time out to read it..that is def appreciated..and im glad that im not alone in those feelins because that in of itself would suck

Lusted after, Ogled, Talked about…

Alone

Surrounded by people in thee physical sense, yet and still…

Alone

Echos of words bouncing off walls..at me..but never to me

Alone

Crazy how one can feel more ”by them self” after thee word “Love” is expressed,

than one did prior to…

Alone

Only getting joy from life, when never left to thought, one emotion after thee other surfacing , catapulting you into thee realization of being

Alone

Understanding is non-existent..its thee feeling you get after you wake up, screaming out from a nightmare, to have no one come running to your aide

Alone

Like opening your eyes for thee first time after being in a coma for 3 weeks, to not a flower, balloon, “get well” card, or a single solitary human being at your side

Alone

People fail to realize that its quite possible to still be alone, even if you consistently have someone by your side.  If that person doesn’t understand you, i mean thee In’s and Outs of you, what you’re about or stand for in life, then you are

Alone

Thee Back Side

Is Thee Right Side

When you want to take Thee Blind Side

to my issues …

A Deaf Ear

Shows thee lack of Care

And Thee only thing you’re willing to Contribute…

A Closed Mouth

Prevents Soul Nourishment

But Distress Calls

Ends FriendShips…

Your Back Side

Was thee Right Side

Helped me focus on thee truth of your Insides

When you’re born into this world, every door is opened and with each passing year, one of those doors close.  You’re born unto loving , inexperienced parents that look at you with so much promise and expectation.

I’ve felt that love.. until thee past few years of adulthood.  I never thought that I would see thee day when one of my parents would pass judgement against me or ever express dissappointment.  Today, my life, heart and soul was ripped out of my body with one sentence.

As thee tears flow down my face and my head begins to ache all I can do is sit and be forced to listen to that same sentence echoing in my memory bank.  I can now say that I am broken, I feel like i wont ever recover from this feeling.  I use to feel that I could conquer and over come anything placed infront of me.  Now i dont even look forward to a new day.  I just want to lay down and never get back up. 

I know i’ve held onto repressed anger and dissapointment against my parents, but i’ve never turned my back on them or any member of my family.  I’ve bent over backwards, aged myself, and exhausted every avenue imaginable to make sure that if they came to me; i was able to shield them from pain and suffering.

The moment has finally come for the one who is normally thee strongest, to ask for help…and what happens..no one is there, all of a sudden me being a lesbian is a reason not to help me.

I have been verbally attacked since i was 10 yrs old..broken beaten made to feel like less than dirt, but i got over it..still loving you..still wanting your approval..i thought that you calling me a bitch was thee worst thing that a father could say to a daughter..yet you’ve proved me wrong..you telling me that my life is shit because i “became” a lesbian and turned my back on god.. topped it.  You expressing your disdain, disappoinment, disregard for taking my last, and unwillingness to help me..has left me to feel like im not even worth caring about.  

I dont think i could ever really express what you did to my spirit.. 

Restless, my fingers refusing to keep up with my thoughts…your words were like, thee heavenly entity himself, stroked my soul with thee softest feather he could pluck…years passing like months..my thoughts, “is this what it feels like, to finally release, finally find thee person that was thought of when my parents created me?”

We sealed our commitment to each other, with a colorful stain…creatively and beautifully expressing thee seriousness of our find..allowing thee world to see how we felt for one another without ever saying it ourselves

Regret, isn’t even strong enough a word to convey how i feel

Thee gun, cocked and loaded since thee words “My name is…nice to meet you”, left our lips, has finally let off its rounds…thee dagger of lies has finally reached its target..piercing my flesh…repeatedly…every lie causing a tremendous amount of blood to pour from thee body you onced cherished and held so tightly…

Questions and thee words “why..how..when..” echoing in my confused mind…….was hesitation ever your friend?

Thee tears flow from my eyes, like thee beads of sweat probably raced down your skin, when you were caught up in thee moment..i clinch my chest as my heart falls into thee pit of my stomach..

Thee English language now becomes my enemy, as i cant find thee words needed to show my pain…ultimate sadness..heartbroken..feeling as i did before i ever met you..like just another unloved person, whose somebody, is a nobody

Whoever said that things get better with time..must have never been in love

Your attitude stinks…negativity surrounds your every move…which aren’t many, cause you’re lazy…Excuses are used like thee words: Hello, how are you?…You’re selfish, unmotivated and condescending…Your joy is as fake as your personality…How did you get promoted?…My willingness to wish you congrats, is overshadowed by my disbelief..

This isn’t a jealousy issue or a race issue…cause I didn’t go for it; I’m quitting and race doesn’t always apply…What is it they saw about you that screamed Supervisor?…I’ve worked with you for 2 and a half years and I barely saw employable…smh

I guess its just one of those things..

(Source: ilickpiinklippzz)